they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
