I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize