Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
