Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
