Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
