I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize