you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
