No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
