After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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