Will you blow on my dice?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
