I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
