Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
