Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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