What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
