dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Congratulations! We have a period
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