She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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