And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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