Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
