I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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