Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
