David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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