He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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