ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
