I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
