Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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