Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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