I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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