Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
