Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
