Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I believe in your delicious
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
