I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would ride that face into the sunset
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
