dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
