I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
