So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
