I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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