He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
