I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
