Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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