dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
