She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
