Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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