3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
