shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
