god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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