Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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