Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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