Please, let me fuck your mom
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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