No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
