her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
