No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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