I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
