i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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