I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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