Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
