Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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