Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
