I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He shit in the fireplace
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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