i just google imaged poop.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
