She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
