no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
