If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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