i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize