the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
