"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize