Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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