I'm so fucking centered right now
I have demons in me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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