just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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