you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
