I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
