I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
