Umm I'm too high to move.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
