The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
